a journey to familyhood

Posts tagged ‘hsg’

HSG Results

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There’s still a little grossness going on down there, but after I was pretty sure I would die in my sleep Friday night and Saturday I was finally feeling better on Sunday and am also completely back to normal. It as a horrible cycle of tensing bc of the muscle I pulled in my back then tensing my front, I just never had a chance to relax. I’m soooo glad it’s over! Now that my results were posted I’m sure they’re email me about it shortly. Oh no I haven’t done any opks yet! My temps are still low that I don’t think I’ve missed it, we’ll see.

HSG

This is going to be long and rambley. I’ll start with the results so if anyone had any advise you can kindly tell me everything will be okay and then you don’t have to read the rest!
(Please please please someone tell me everything is fine)
She didn’t get any flowage on one of my tubes. I’m pretty sure it was the left but I can’t remember. And my uterus is slightly denty on top. Barely noticeable, and she said she wasn’t entirely sure why, something about septum maybe or she wasn’t sure why. She didn’t seem concerned, but said I would be a high risk pregnancy.
It seems fairly self explanatory. It will be harder and more risky. But do other people have this? Like, I’m sure plenty of people do but can anyone tell me more?!
Is this going to be impossible and ridiculous and the end of the world as we know it?!

Okay. More rambles.
This am I had to work at 7am (YUCK!) So I asked M to wake me up before she left for work at 5am. Then I pulled a muscle in my back. Idk how but right between my shoulder blades totally froze, I could barely brush my hair, it felt like it was wrapping around my ribs and I couldn’t breathe. Thankfully I took a handful of painkillers and sat against an ice pack and was well enough to breathe and move again, but it’s still sore and was a shitty start to the day.
Work was busy and I only worked 5 hours instead of 10 so it really flew!
So we went to the hospital, spent forever getting checked in.
“Ashton” the tech, was nice, but from the start I felt horrible. It was dark in there and the bathroom door was ajar. The light kept going on and off for no reason! It was driving me CRAZY! So I was sitting there in the dark with the light going crazy and Ashton kept coming in to ask if I was cold and then leaving again. I didn’t really want her there, it was awkward, but every time she left I just felt so alone. I don’t know why, I almost started crying before it even started.
Then I was up in stirrups. And it got Awful. She maimed me with her speculum of death! I’m not a stranger to having things in my lady area, I’ve met a speculum before. But hers was made of razerblades. She made me bleed and cry with the fucking speculum within like an eight of a second! I was not excited for the rest of the test, I’d heard mixed reviews as far as discomfort.
Thankfully I didn’t feel anything else. I didn’t feel the little catheter or the dye or any of the moving around they had be do. I was extremely excited for that.
She instantly said Woah! Look at that! And half the screen was lit up like crazy. But there was nothing on the other. She kept pushing dye and having me move, but nothing. She also said it was going so fast on the other side that she couldn’t get any pressure. She didn’t say if it was totally forever blocked, but I’m assuming that was the implication. She just basically shrugged and said it would just make it a little harder. Is that it? Is it really not that bad and deserve a shrug?
Then she told me “Hm, your uterus is a little curvy right here” apparently it’s supposed to be flatter on the top. She shrugged that off, too and said it wouldn’t effect conception, but would have to be looked into After conception as high risk and see why it’s weird to see about miscarriage risks. What?! Wouldn’t I want to know all of that before getting pregnant?!
I’ve had a miscarriage. It wasn’t fucking fun. I want to know what’s going on and what the risks are. Idk how she could sort of blow it off and talk about miscarriage at the same time!
Does anyone else have a lazy topped uterus?!
So I was very overwhelmed and very upset. I had to get my love from the waiting room and walk through the whole hospital so I didn’t want to talk about it until we were in the car.
But I kept thinking and being overwhelmed and I started crying while we were walking. Finally I was just sobbing and apologizing for being janky. I had one job. Baby making. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be fine, but I’m not. I’m broken. I’m a failure. So I cried for like two hours. And M couldn’t look at me or she would cry.
And the whole time there was dye falling out of me!!
Thankfully the hospital gave me a pad the size of my car.
Then we went for a nice long walk and had a nice dinner and both felt better.
I have no idea what any of this really means or how it changes the odds. She said the same thing as she did before. Take all these meds see you in a few months. She didn’t immediately say holy shit we need to talk about your other options. She really downplayed it. I’ll just have to do some research.
So there’s no reason to be hysterical.
Then it got into M feeling like a “selfish bitch” that we couldn’t just use her uterus. It’s hard not to be like Yeah! But I don’t really feel that way. She’s not ready. She tried, she says she’d like to eventually, but not yet. I respect and support that. She has says that if I can’t, she will even if it’s before she’s ready. I hope it doesn’t come to that.
I just don’t want to be janky. I hope she emails me to explain things more, if she doesn’t I’ll contact her. I hope all it means is extra closer monitoring or whatever and it’s not the end of the world.
About five or six hours after I started feeling crampy. It feels horrible, like I’ve been doing sit ups for hours. And then was hit with a samurai sword and then hit by a car. I took some more Tylenol and the anti biotic they gave me. I hope they kick in. This is rather unpleasant.
Like, ow, really. I might have to go to bed early and try to sleep through this. I’m glad I’m so much less emotional. I just really need to process and know what it really means and know that it’s okay(ish)