a journey to familyhood

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One year later

Well it’s been a year of using a known donor. With no luck. We didn’t go every month. But I didn’t realize it had been a year.

Some months didn’t feel quite right and it wasn’t surprising that it didn’t work.

Other months everything was perfect and it was going to work this time for sure. Except it didn’t.

Idk what to do. Except keep trying i guess. My wife still has to shoulder the responsibility. I feel bad that I can’t help. If money were no option I would go all in and help share some of the stress and body hijaking.

Maybe someday.

Rayne is a perfect 2.5. This week she decided to potty train. It’s been really good. She keeps saying “you’re so proud of me!” And she’s right!

She loves princesses and fire trucks and talking non stop.

I’m so obsessed with her. Sometimes I wonder if we should just stop with her. But I’m not ready for that conversation yet.


Negative again 😞


On Saturday we had our next insem. Everything was PERFECT.

Tests, timing, process, everything just fell into place perfectly and felt so right.

We’ve had good, even perfect, cycles in the past so I know not to get my hopes up. But it all just feels so right and hopefully it was.

I’m excited for Rayne to have a baby. My mom got her a baby for Christmas and she likes to play “ashes” (ring around the rosy) and gives her drinks and covers her with her blanky (my mom crocheted matching blankets for Rayne and her baby). Everything she sees is a baby and she holds her arms around her midsection and rock like she’s rocking a baby.

I wish we could have kids closer in age, maybe next round. But first we have to get through this round.

One and a half weeks to go…

Rayne had her 18 month checkup. She’s still 50% for height and weight (23 pounds) better than the 5th percent she stared at.

I’ve gone back and forth with her pediatrician. I liked him at first, my wife didn’t. Now she likes him and I’m on the fence. We’ve decided to keep him until we have another kid and then switch Rayne at the same time. But this visit was good, I have no complaints. And neither did he.

Physically she’s well. Gross and fine motor skills are good. For once he’s pleased with her language. She’s being socialized with their kids at the Y. We brush her teeth (but I need to set up a dentist thanks for the reminder). She’s perfect. I want a million of her.




Hopefully I’ll get to tell my Xmas baby that s/he was conceived in the back of an Equinox in a Target parking lot with Counting Crows Colorblind playing in the background. That seems like a very lesbian way to get a baby.

Here’s a goof ass baby

Happy Anything, Everyone. I wish everyone many gift bags of BabyDust and an extra pile of wine and patience if you have a toddler whose routine is fucked by holidays

Thank you, next

My wife is on cd…3? 4?

So we move on to the next cycle. Which is looking like Christmas Eve/Day, somewhere around there. I hope we’re able to schedule something without interfering with anyone’s plans.