a journey to familyhood

Archive for October, 2018

CD1

I’m excited for this cycle. There’s no special reason or anything, it just feels easy and I’m excited.

Well, right now I’m bored. I’m at work until midnight, ew.

Then I have to drive home.

But I’ll listen to Natalia Kills. Yass Queen.

On Tuesday we saw GARBAGE! And I died of happiness and excitement and my wife and realized that we’re Old AF! We get up at 6am and are usually in bed well before midnight. But the concerns went until midnight and then we had to drive home! She pulled over halfway and she’s a CONTROL FREAK! So to let me drive was huge.

But the concert was soooo good and we were riiiiight up front 😍 Shirley Manson. Fuck yes.

So now I have another late night and I’m not nearly having the fun I did Tuesday!

I should be doing something productive but even though I’m bored I also can’t focus, so I’ll just flip through apps on my phone and watch Chopped and stalk Amazon watching for new diaper releases. (I recently did my Top 10)

Maybe I’ll google “hobbies”

Exhale

For the past week or so, through sickness and puppy adoption and car trouble and anxiety and life in general I feel like I’ve been holding my breath and it was just waiting to kill me.

Today, I can exhale. And I can breathe normally again.

My car is fixed, on the way to drop it off my wife and I saw a rainbow and it seemed very fitting.

Last night she was at the end of her rope (for noooo reason) with Louie and said to “find him a new home”. She didn’t mean it so I just ignored her for a while and then encouraged her to vent. After her vent her attitude switched back to not-bitch mode and we had a great night and great day today.

I know the anxiety and depression is still lingering and if I thought about it u could bring it back up, but I’m not! I’m enjoying feeling good and knowing that for. Ow everything is okay!!

It feels good to feel good.

The only bummer is that we missed my wife’s ovulation. So we couldn’t try this month. She does opks twice a day and temps daily and is always spot on so it’s odd. But a lot was going on with her life and schedule being all out of whack. So hopefully next cycle is back to normal.

There’s a huge consignment sale twice a year that my mom and I go to, and it was today. The whole time she wa talking about “the new baby” and hopefully we know gender by the next sale so we can stock up and she’s super excited! I am too!

This too shall pass

Anxiety. Is a bitch.

Last Weds night I stayed up all night reading a book and got 4 hours of sleep.

Thursday I was sick. Everyone at my work was sick. I was hoping to go work for a bit leave early and sleep it off , but I was the only well enough to have showed up and no one could come in for me. So I had to stay and suffer.

I felt worse every day culminating with a sick day on Tuesday. (And my natural day off of Weds).

On Sunday we rescued the dog. He’s a 7 month old pit bull mix. We call him Louie.

A) he is a LOVE! He is sweet and snuggly and so good.

B) he’s a puppy. He was a stray in Alabama. He’s a SHIT BAG. (Which is not fair.) he needs a lot of attention and going outside every five goddamn seconds. He barks in his kennel for HOURS at bedtime. Yesterday he had No accidents in the house. Today he had 4.

I’m at the end of my rope after 3 days. But that’s ridiculous. He’ll learn. Charlotte learned. She was a pain in the ass. She cried all night. She had accidents. Now she is mostly not a shit bag. Or maybe she just seems better because she’s compared to this fool.

Also. Just for fun, my anti lock breaks are not working. Driving home from work Monday for no reason the light came on. I ignored it because everything seemed fine. I wasn’t even breaking when it came on! Then today I drove again and yeah there’s something wrong with them.

So now I have to drive 1.5 hours a day to work with janky breaks worrying they’re gonna go out while I’m going 80 down the highway. I wasn’t even thinking to get them looked at while I’ve been home sick. So now I can’t go until next week.

I’m pms’ing. Which makes everything so much worse.

I’m anxious about by wife getting close to ovulation.

All I need to do I not freak out on the dog. He’ll learn and in a few months I’ll have forgotten how difficult this was. And fix my breaks.

Lemme say though. Next time I’m sick I’m telling my family I’m going to work and telling my work I’m at home and going to a hotel instead. I feel a million times better today. But taking care of a baby and a dog and a puppy while sick was a niiiiiightmaaaaaaaaaare. Not to be dramatic, just not an experience I was prepared for. So how can I prepare to take care of a new baby on top of things? We don’t even have one yet but I’m already feeling like it’s too much.

Everything is fine. These are minor issues. It’s fine. It’s fine. This too shall pass.

“It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass”