a journey to familyhood

Archive for October, 2017

Sleep Regression

Maybe? I’ve been waiting to see if/when/how Rayne tolerates it. It does seem like there’s something up with her

She still sleeps 10pm to 9am. She still naps during the day.

But she has a new heartbreaking trick. If you put her in her crib for a nap, the second you stop touching her and/or turn away her little lip comes out and quivers and she criiiiies. My heart my heart!

She’s been waking up a 0-3 times a night and she’ll do the same thing. Ill go to check on her and she’s so tired her eyes aren’t even open, but if I put my hand on her she stops squeaking immediately. She wants to hold my hand and have me there. My heart!

She always holds on when she’s nursing, or holds my hand if I give her bottle. She holds my shirt when I carry her around. But this bedtime touch is something different.

She’s also stared crying in the car, something she’s never down before. It’s like she’s suddenly all alone in the world and it’s so sad!

Is this a normal thing babies go through? I assume it is. I hope this doesn’t become a bigger hurdle for her and she’s one of those kids who aren’t hit as hard.

Also Happy Halloween!

Reflecting

1 year ago I lost my beloved kitty

1 year ago we did the ici that gave us our daughter

Today our money came in for ttc#2, of course my pcos monthly came last week, so we had to take a cycle off

I wonder what next year will bring

Dark

There was a period of time, a short period, where things were not great. Or good. Or tolerable.

I was afraid for my wife and my family. I worried she was spiraling into a pit of post partum she couldn’t come back from. I never worried she’d hurt our daughter, but i absolutely feared for my wifes safety.

She was having trouble with her milk supply, i can’t remember if she’d gone back to work yet, the baby was SCREAMING her life away, not yet dx with reflux and a dairy intolerance.

And our baby was new, our lives were totally different, things were difficult. There was a lot of crying.

The top off came one night, i came home from work, my wife and baby were in bed. Both awake. Baby was screaming. Wife was just laying there. I asked what was up, she shrugged. I asked if the baby was hungry, she shrugged. I asked if she was going to do anything with the baby. “No.”

That was it. I asked if she was going to do anything and she just rolled away from me.

I knew this night was going to be the make it or break it. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. Who does not attempt to console or feed a screaming baby. (*i fully support letting a baby cry over rather than taking out your frustration on them!!!*) I picked up the baby and she immediately stopped crying and fell asleep. (I did have a bottle for her, but she never woke up to eat).

So i left my wife there and took the baby by my mom to watch baseball.

 hate baseball. So i sat there forever not giving a shit about baseball, holding my beautiful sleeping baby, trying not to cry in front of my mom, and worrying what to do.

My wife is often crabby,  periodically depressed. But this was more, and much worse.

Do i be super nice and coddle her, do i give her a kick in the ass? Do i do nothing? Call her dr?

Eventually i went back to her, she was still laying in bed, but not asleep. And still not talking to me. I decided to give her my best “kick in the ass” speech.

Of course i don’t remember exactly what i said, but it was something along the lines of this is hard for all of us, a new to all of us. And things are going to work a lot better if you work with me, not against me. It’s okay to be frustrated and sad and angry,  but it’s not okay to just give up and do nothing. If you want to sulk and have a pity party, fine, you get one freebie. Cry, be  angry, talk to me if you want or ignore me if you want but this is it. Have your pity party tonight and show the fuck up tomorrow.

 Then i left her there and slept in the recliner crying with my baby. And it was over.

The next day was better and every day since then has been better. Things are really good now, life is really good.

Our baby sleeps in her owm room now in her big girl crib! At 3 months old!! I miss her so much at night lol.

But anything that has come up we’ve dealt with. You have to. It’s just life and some times life sucks. But for a little while that night i didnt know if this was something we would be able to deal with. It was months ago and i still think about it occasionally. It was by far the most difficult part of my parenting journey to date, and i just had to get it out.