a journey to familyhood

Archive for September, 2017

Post RE

We’re fresh from our RE appointment, and I’m happy with it. It was basically the plan i figured it would be.

My left tube is blocked, which we knew.

So I’m going to start on 7.5 of Letrozole, have an ultrasound to see if I’ll ovulate on the right.  If no, we do nothing and wait a cycle.  If yes, i do a trigger shot and and insem 36 hours after that. Probably progesterone suppositories (which grosses me out)

I am worried that Letrozole wont be enough, but it’s a starting point. 

The good news is i can do much of the bloodwork and ultrasounds locally. The bad news is it’s a 2 hour drive for insem. But that’s only once a month (or 2 months for left side ovulation)

They do want to do a 3d ultrasound before my next cycle, just to see what’s up. And do an egg reservoir check.

We have to go through our finances, apparently we somehow waste a LOT of money a month. We can probably do 2 cycles out of pocket. But it’s cheaper do buy sperm in bulk, pay less in shipping and have the clinic store it. So do we get a loan and go all out and not have to risk taking time off to save again? What if we take a month off and that’s the month i ovulate on the right? 

We’ve done this whole process out of pocket so far. But i feel like we should take out a small loan and just go for it.

This place is amazing. Every single person was so nice, genuinely friendly, and not in a way that made me hate them lol! I’m so glad we’re going here. The biggest thing they did was to give me hope. If i didnt know better, their positivity would make me think a month or 2 and I’ll be pregnant. Of course, i do know better, but at least now i think it could happen. Shit, maybe even it can happen.

Also here’s the baby i already have 


My meep is 11 weeks old today. For the past 2 days we’ve been doing something a little different….nap time!

Usually she’s being held or you just lay her wherever and she sleeps through anything. But lately I’ve noticed her being fussy, overstimulated and overtired.

So the other day i took her into the bedroom, dimmed the lights swaddled her and sang her a song. When the song was over i put her in the mama roo with her soothie, still awake. I left her eyesight and she fussed, immediately losing the soothie (she’s horrible at the soothie and usually only uses it at grandmas)

I popped the soothie back in her mouth and as soon as she saw me she passed out. And stayed that way for almost 2 hours!!

Success!! This has been replicated 3 times!

Sometimes it’s better if she can see me, sometimes not. I always sing to her. I always offer the soothie. My wife has yet to try (my thought being she’ll just want the boobs)

We’re working on her cues, and what habits we want to face breaking in the future,  I’m excited to learn about and with my daughter.

I wish she was better at napping for my mom while we’re at work, she’s suddenly decided she has to stay awake or she’ll miss everything.  But then, of course, cue the overtired and overstimulated.

But for an 11 week old with 2 days of practice I’m pretty damn happy!


I have an appointment scheduled with an RE on the 27th.

For real, people, I’ve been poked amd prodded and scanned and ultrasounded with the best of them. Nothing new. But for some reason I’m really anxious about this!

Probably bc he’s gonna say I’m overweight and have pcos. Which i know already know. And I’m afraid he can’t help me.

But i really want more babies. And my wife is willing to have more, but i want to, too!

I want Rayne to have a pile of siblings, relatively close in age. Ideally multiples! I dont understand people who are anti multiples!  Or act all *gasp*, what if you have twins!? Um, sweet! Of course just one baby is so hard at times, but i think we’d manage.

We have a perfect,  beautiful daughter. If she’s the only child we have, i will spoil the shit out of her and love her endlessly. If we have more kids, I’ll still spoil the shit out of her and love her endlessly.

There’s a level of less urgency now that we have her. There isn’t the same amount of pressure of being barren forever. But still, there’s still the anxiety of wanting more and not being a functioning woman-person.