a journey to familyhood

Archive for September, 2016

66 Days 

My period is finally starting tonight after 66 days. It’s been 66 days since my last period. Sixty Six. What the heeeeeeeeeeck.

66.

Nonsense.

Known Donor 2WW

Here we are again in the 2ww! I must say I’m impressed with my darling girl. She has been happily by my side for this whole process, but back and forth on her own desire to attempt to carry. But legit,  she has done everything for this new round of attempt, and quickly! When she said she was ready I thought cool,  within x amount of time we’ll plan whatever.  Nope!  It was bam, donor, legal paperwork, opks, I’m ready TODAY!  And that “today” was yesterday!

Holy cow is known donor-ing unsettling.  For me at least, not for her. I don’t know why it’s so weird. And sometimes I’m  like whatever,  it’s cool.  Other’s I’m like Nope, never making eye contact with you again. We see him maybe 4-6 times a month. Of course everyone says and hopes it won’t change things in the back of my mind I’m like *don’t think about him masturbating*!!!!! And then my brain bleeds. 

And of course there are the worries of what if he changes his mind?  Basically he’ll be like”Uncle Donor”. People come and go in life. Either way it’s whatever. I don’t want him to think he needs to be involved or around.  Think of your other friends kids,  treat this one the same. Or if you want the yearly school picture and that’s it?  Sure. If he’s around and wants to visit, absolutely!! But if he moves away or doesn’t care or whatever, that’s fine too. I won’t feel like my child is missing out on a parent because he won’t be. He’s not a parent, we are. And he’s all for that plan. But what if he changes his mind?

On the flip side, I can’t imagine ever not being appreciative of the gesture being made. Like, the ease, the financial aspect, the selflessness, it’s incredible to me. 

Maybe it’s because I haven’t been able to have a baby, but it’s incredible to me that a person can allow us to (hopefully)  have a baby and then not want to grab said baby and never let go.

I know it’s a lot of worse case scenarios for something that could take years, or not happen at all. But really for the first time I’m actually thinking it could work! And a little afraid that it will!

My love is a champ, she’s incredible. And I basically want to do everything for her forever. It’s seriously been a day and she’s already telling me to go away lol. i can’t wait for her to be pregnant so i can continue to spoil the shit out of her.

Myself? CD 61. Nope, I didn’t hit the wrong button, just having the longest cycle I’ve had in at least 3 years. Perfect.

Adulting!

1.

In just under 4 weeks we’re getting  MARRIED! No ceremony,  just like the 5 of us required to sign,  not telling anyone until it’s  over.  Could not be more excited,  omg ⚢👰👰💙💚💜💛

2.

We got our first enrollment to Foster Parenting packet! I’m excited to take this journey and see where it takes us. I’m interested to see what we can handle,  if we can even handle it at all, how we grow as people

3.

Next week, if all works out,  my love starts trying to convince with a known donor!!!! I can’t wait for fat blonde babies!!!!