a journey to familyhood

Archive for February, 2016

Results ???

My Progesterone results came in at 11:34 last night.

14.46

I don’t know what that means!! And there’s no one at the office to call and ask! And I can’t find a legit, regular ass list of numbers that says “Yay, you’re in this range, you did it!!” Or, “hey good try, but not good enough”

I think I did it(?) But grrrrrrrr stupid office, who releases the a fraction of the puzzle without the bigger picture?!

Happy Friday

A. Yay my princess peach comes home tonight!!! I like that one.
(Last night she jokingly told me to send her nudes, I snapchatted her this)

image

2. Still no word from the freaking clinic. The nurse implied that it was good news (maybe I ovulated?!) But she couldn’t say until the dr reviewed everything.
D. How doubling my progesterone feels…

image

image

Schrodinger’s Blood Test

I had my blood draw on Tuesday. 915am. Sometimes I’ll have results the same day, once it took almost a week! I just want to know if I ovulated!!
But, I also really really don’t. Because I think and I know that I did. Everything was perfect-opk, temp, cm. So it’s going to break my heart if/when it comes back that I didn’t.
They usually send me an email saying my results are in, but not what they are. Then either they call me or I call them. Usually I’m working so they leave a msg saying to call them back.
Do they not understand social anxiety?! Just email me or text me or leave it in a voicemail. I am so horrible at social interaction.
(I have never once read a password protected post bc it makes me too anxious to ask what the password is. Or like, what if the person is like Ew, not for you)(I’m a little unbalanced)
So, I did the unthinkable Tuesday evening after not getting an email and I called the Drs Office. Like a real, brave, phone call! And I was racing on adrenaline until I was put on hold and decided I didn’t want to know!!
What if the lady came back and told me it didn’t work?!
I almost hung up, but before I could she came back and said the results weren’t in yet.
My Dr has off today so I knew I wouldn’t hear anything, but I had a voicemail and freaked out thinking somehow it was the office. It wasn’t.
So, I’m hopeful they’ll call me tomorrow. But I’m already anxious that they’ll call and leave a voicemail and I’ll be at work heart pounding waiting to listen to it and it’ll tell me to call the office and it will be horrible!!
As long as they aren’t calling me they can’t be telling me bad news. As much as I can’t wait to hear from them and tell me I’m an ovulating machine, I hope they never call and take my hope away!

4 (edited)

.That is the length of my attention span. 4 minutes? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just 4, get off my back.
.My darling is away, it’s so quiet at my house. (And so clean and there’s so much food lol)
.She comes home tomorrow!!! I’m gonna tryyyyy to get out of work early to see her early!
.I did laundry for the first time in months. Omg, that girl has a problem! There were TEN different bottles/jugs/bags of laundry shit, plus an entire bag of stuff! Me? I do the dishes. I have one bottle of Dawn.
. I had to get my liquor licence. Oh em gee that’s where my entire lack of attention really had me hurting.
.I’ve had a licence before and took the little class, but it expired. So I got to do it online, but I couldn’t control my speed through the pages!! It was so much waiting to move to the next topic. It took 2.5 hours (done over the course of two days bc I just could not) and I probably could have done it in half that time.
.I have actually slept better this week than I usually do.
.The other day i had a dream I was pregnant. It was so real and I was so bummed when I woke up.
.I have to call tomorrow and call in my Progesterone. I hope I don’t feel bad on it with the increase
.oops, I also have to schedule blood work
.I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t ovulate. I’m already pretty defeated  overall. I just want to stop and stop wasting my money
.But it just takes one try and maybe I’ll ovulate like a champ and all will be well

*Holy shit I think I’m ovulating!!!!!!! (Lol, that’s me trying not to get too excited about it)
image
Top is last night, bottom is today. I know it’s not positive yet, but that’s pretty close! And it’s darker since last night so hopefully it’s a full on positive and my blood test confirms it. And I’ve got some (a lot) wicked fertile cm! Yaaay Letrozole. I can only hope that this trend continues in future months!!
. Follow up in a week when my results say I didn’t ovulate and I’m a big cry baby about it!

Well, I made it through Letrozole! It wasn’t nearly.as bad as Clomid (for this round at least).
It did upset my stomach, but at this point, when you take enough medication it would be surprising if something didn’t upset me!
I’ve been temping, I’ll start opks in the next few days and eventually do blood work to see if I ovulate!
I’ve been eating as low carb as I can (or choose to). And between a constant troubled tummy and low carb I have lost a little weight. Do you know what’s left when you don’t/can’t have meat, dairy or carbs?! SADNESS!!
Tonight we had pizza though, to celebrate buying a new car!! Our mechanic scared us away from a Prius, but we got a new Corolla. I did NOT want a car. I was more sold on the Prius with it’s hatch-back ness bc it felt a little bigger. But, it gets gas milage in the 40’s and the price was right and I won’t be the primary driver, so whatever. It still doesn’t feel real. My current car is a ’98 and I still haven’t given up on the girl. I will drive her into the ground. So to have something new and shiny and that we got ourselves and together, it’s crazy. My love has never owned a vehicle, only driven mine. So it’s a super big deal for her. Any vehicle I’ve had has been purchased by or financed with my grandpa.
And we’re getting a couch delivered on Saturday. I heart tax season.
What I don’t heart? My living room. instead of paying for our old couch to be removed, or kicking it to the street, my darling says “I’m just going.to take it apart and put it in the garbage.” She’s out of her damn mind.

image

This is a disaster. She has 3 days until the new couch comes and 4 days until she leaves for training. Or I burn the house down.
Omg I can’t believe in 4 days she’s going to go to training!! I’m so proud of her and happy for her and I hope she doesn’t hate it. I’m going to miss her so much!! She’ll be gone Sunday to Friday for 7 weeks. I’m so glad she’ll be home weekends. We did long distance, it sucked, I have no desire to be long distance again. But I’m glad she’s doing something.independent and I hope she talks.to people and makes friends.
And I hope I can navigate/remember all of the fertility aspect of things by myself! Which reminds me, all of our sperm buying and ups accounts are in her name, so I need to get all the info. Also I’ve never done the sperm syringe before and I’m afraid I’m to drop it and spill sperm everywhere! I hope that a) I ovulate and we’re able to move forward and that b) insem day falls on a weekend so I’m not alone!