a journey to familyhood

Archive for March, 2015

Consolation Prize

Well, I didn’t get promoted ( cough bullshit cough). The coworker I thought would get it to, allegedly it was too close to call, they tried to figure out how to split it between the two of us blah blah blah, but he’s been there longer so he won. So I’ll probably just do the work and he’ll get the credit.
But maybe it’ll be fine, maybe he’ll step up. Or maybe I’ll dobless and force him to do it. I still need to process, I’m just super proud that I didn’t cry in front of my boss.
I’ve tried to prepare myself, I should have known, but it’s still hard. I don’t want to be too bitter, but I have to get it out or I will be! And sure, now i don’t have added stressors. I can focus on more important things like getting pregnant!!
They did however, offer me a consolation offer (which includes a raise, yay). Idk yet of it’ll include a whole new position or just title. But it will be in charge of our entire documentation system and liaison with the county and idk what else.
So I guess as long as there’s nothing I can do about it, I might as well be happy with what I’m getting. It really sucks, I really wanted it, I should have had it, but oh well. I’ll try not to be a big baby about it. My boss told me he knows I’ve plateaued here and that at least I’ll be getting a resume booster. He doesn’t even know I’m planning on leaving, but now I feel even less guilty about it.

Siiiigh

Well, no word on who got the promotion yet. It was going to be last week then pushed back to today then…idk! I’m pretty sure my co-worker will get it based on his friendship with the boss. So I’ll do all the work and he’ll get the title. I want it, but I’m trying not to think about too much!
But after today I’m pretty drained anyway! Delusions and wailing and screaming and yelling in my face about nonsense, oy. Maybe I should let him have it and all the fun that goes along with it!
I’m so glad I’m almost done for the day, I need to be away from this for a while. That’s always a bummer when it’s only Monday. Any relaxation from the weekend, gone!
Siiiiiiiiggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I’m tired.

03/20(&21)/2015

Well, it’s another sleepless night! I try, I really do, but sometimes there’s just no helping it! I think I’m in trouble tomorrow based on the number of “I swear to God…” That have come mumbled
from my sleeping companion. We have a routine of spooning one way, roll to backs, cuddle, roll the other way to spoon. But I’ve messed that aaaall up hours ago and now there is no hope for me!
We’re supposed to hike in the am, so I occasionally send a text 1030, still awake, 1127 still awake…in hopes that she won’t wake me up too early! She can fall asleep in moments and doesn’t understand what it’s like to be up all night.

Our vacation was great. I love this girl and love being with just her and not a care in the world. I also especially love coming home.I’m a homebody for sure.
After being off work last week, this week really went by fast. I had my interview Monday for promotion. Should know next week what’s up. I think I should have it, but I worry about the “good ole boys club” and that my boss is good friends with my competition. But there’s nothing else I can do. If I don’t get it I’ll be crushed, but then I don’t have to have responsibilities and can be lazy. And lose a lot of respect for the higher ups. I honestly can’t understand how they could give it to my co-worker, but I just can’t shake that my boss will give it to him simply to avoid a conflict in their friendship.
My mom, who is simply biased, lol, is being great. I’m not used to her supporting me in things, but she keeps texting me positive things and offering to make people cry if they don’t give it to me!

Mostly I’m excited for a raise, convenient hours, and bc it’ll look good on a resume for when we move to Oregon! I wish I could tell him, dude, just help me out here! Let me have it now, you can have it when I (someday) go on maternity leave, and then it’s yours for good in a couple of years! Share!
I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to move to/near Vaneta, OR. I haven’t been west of st paul, mn so that should be fun. When we were on vacation we made a special trip to Oregon, WI and took a picture with the sign to send to my loves dad (aka Big Daddy) who lives in OR. Theeeeen we spent a long time explaining that it wasn’t a cool photo shop, we didn’t go to the state, it was a city in WI. Old people, lol.
Also, if I hear one more time “do you feel this weather? This is what it’s like in Oregon” I’m going to lose my mind. Right now I can think about moving and not lose my mind. Other times my ovaries try to strangle me and I freak out knowing that I’m supposed to A) Get Pregnant!!! B) have a baby and move across the country to a place I’ve never seen where I don’t have a job. I obviously have no way of knowing the time or money involved with getting pregnant so it’s very hard to plan. Big Daddy is in his 70s I think (I should probably know). My love worries he’s not going to wait for us forever, and he shouldn’t have to. I’m just hoping he can be a little patient!

My grandparents are celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary in May. My mom nominated me (forced me, over my objecting) to take pictures of them to be displayed at the party and be the decorating committee. “What do you thi-“NO. “Okay, but,” NO! “Well…”NOOOOOOO! Yup, I’m doing it. There are 9,635 male cousins and 5 female. Two are young and dumb one lives too far away, that leaves me and my cousin who is too busy to care. Soooo…me! I’ve been starting to have fun with it though, doing a lot of Pinteresting. I’m not really worried about the decorating (even though I’ve never done anything like this) I’m more worried about taking pictures of my grandparents. I want it to be perfect and I’m worried it won’t be and they’ll not want to smile or pose or listen!

I should get an award though, for a) seamlessly transitioning through topics 🙂 and b) taking my temp for 3 days in a row! Woo me! I should do opks this weekend. I should set a calendar reminder to start Progesterone on cd21. I called in my Metformin refill today. I’ll email/call about a dr apt at the end of the month. One part of me thinks/hopes that with all my stupid body stuff they’ll be really monitoring and medicating the shit out of me and that should Increase my odds. And then the other part wonders why I’m even trying. I guess this wait and adjust to pcos time has gone by fine, but it’s definitely wierded my mindset. Once we’re actually back to trying I hope I feel different (better).
My love has had two coworkers accidentally get pregnant and I kind of want to slash their tires. I want to actually be trying! We should probably be deciding what sperm we’re getting from where! That’s probably something we should have been doing during this whole break! But we still have some time. I wish I could call and get in and get things moving again! But I’ll wait patiently like I was told and hope I have a shorter cycle this time and that by the time we start up again I have a promotion and have slept again!

Cd1

Well, I’m probably drunk. Yes, yes I am.
Also it’s cd1. Finally! Cd 44, bullshit. Last Progesterone it was bam period as soon as I stopped taking it. So that’s disappointing. But hopefully by continuing to take it days 21-30 it will eventually wake something up to get on a schedule.
We’re on a mini vacation and we’re supposed to go hiking the next few days. You know what sucks? Hiking with your period!
You know what’s delightful? Alcohol. And cards against humanity.
It’s 1206am so it’s officially my beautiful girl’s birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!! She’s my favorite thing in the whole world. Also she’s 25. Holy shit I’m old. Tomorrow we’re going antiquing, bc I guess she actually turned 96 🙂
She forced me to let her open a present tonight, so she’s currently occupied reading the state atlas complete with hiking trails/state park info/all that stuff. I like that she’s happy 🙂
And I’m glad it’s finally cd1
I officially applied for the promotion at my job, I can’t believe any other application or later of intent is better than mine, just have to wait and see!

Job Opportunity

Well. I’ve probably said it fairly often, but there are many days I haaaattteeeee my job. Not the job, some of my coworkers and politics. I’ve been thinking about working elsewhere, I’ve even looked. But on Monday my supervisor (the manager who’s the 3rd in command) announced her retirement in May.
This is my chance. For the last almost 7 years I have worked alongside of her. She has been training me grooming me for almost 7 years to do her job! She’s been around the county system for probably 40 some years, everyone knows her. And all of her connections are becoming my connections. She’s been telling people for years that I’m her right arm, the call me Radar (M*A*S*H).
I have one co worker I think will also go for it. He’s worked there 10 years. But while he has the seniority, he didn’t have the experience I do. He works 3rd shift. He doesn’t do anything! Well, fine, I’m sure he does stuff, but he doesn’t know what happens in the day time! He doesn’t know how things work or who to call. He likes to drink Diet Coke and talk about sports.
I’m glad I told my boss months ago that I wanted to do more and have more responsibilities.
The lady who’s retiring said she’s already mentioned me and will continue to do so. Not trying to get my hopes up didn’t last very long. I’m going to be pretty upset if I have to help train someone to do the job that I already do.
Idk when they’re going to talk about it or when we’ll find out. I don’t remember if she said beginning or end of May either. Anyway! That could be so awesome!!!

I spent my day with a 3 year old today. It was so much fun. And made my uterus lonely! He’s just so cute!! My cats hate him, but he brought Transformers, so he’s cool.

And finally, it’s cd 37 and no period yet. Last progesterone I got my period love five seconds after I stopped it. I was hoping it would be closer to 30 days, but we’re not up in the 50s yet! I do hope it comes soon. I’m feeling a little crampy today. That should be a good sign.