a journey to familyhood

Archive for February, 2015

Day 10

I guess this was as far as I could go. I’m so glad I’m done (for this cycle) with the progesterone.
I feel horrible, anxious, depressed, angry, crying, crazy.
Not nearly as bad as I felt last time. Tolerable, compared to last time. But bad enough.
Everything is triggering me, upsetting me. I could never do this if I felt this way the whole time. I should be glad that it isn’t worse. I guess?
I feel stupid that I couldn’t stop it. I felt fine last night, but I knew when I woke up today I knew it wasn’t the same and wasn’t okay. But what was I supposed to do? I should gave been able to stop it but I couldn’t.
Hopefully cd1 comes and goes quickly

Monday Musings

.I am a Jeopardy CHAMPION tonight!

.Today is my brothers birthday, tomorrow would be my dad’s birthday (many mixed feelings), Wednesday is my other brothers birthday. Wednesday we celebrate!

.Celebrate means me buying all the presents, buying the food, making the food and cleaning, but that’s fine.

.My mom is not doing so well with her ms these days. Last week she got stuck in her electric recliner chair thing when the power box went out.

.PROGESTERONE IS NOT KILLING ME!!!!! I want to just shout from the rooftops. Whatever the difference is bn those last pills and these pills, it’s amazing

.One day for five seconds I started to cry and said I can’t do this, why am I doing this? But it’s all good

.We went to the gym this am and it was probably the first time I hoped my car wouldn’t start from the bitter cold bc then I was promised we could go back to bed! We did the elliptical today, I forgot how much I like it!

.I accidently had too much caffeine and am so tired!


Well, it’s about three hours to progesterone time.
I am less than excited.
I don’t really remember the last time I took it, but I know it was HORRIBLE. horrible horrible horrible.
This stuff is allegedly nicer than the stuff I was on before. I don’t know what it’s called or the dosage, but I hope she’s right and it’s nicer.
And that I’m nicer! I remember it making me mean! And anxious. And depressed. And edgy. And just ugh.
So. Here’s the deal.
I fucking love my beautiful, amazing fiancee. Not just regular love. Fucking love.
She is so pretty. And smart. And creative. And she does the laundry. And she makes me laugh. And she works hard. And she lets me watch Forensic Files even when I know she wants to watch Gilmore Girls. Aaaand she’s warm. And she’s a little crazy. And she gets me a shamrock shake when I cry all day (which I did yesterday all day for no reason).
I’m probably going to be a jerk to her. She’s already said “I don’t like when you’re on that, it makes you mean. It makes you like me!” So I’m going to try very hard to be nice to her! Bc I fucking love her.
Yesterday she was not very happy with me. Bc I could not stop crying. But then she apologized for being a jerk and got me the aforementioned Shamrock Shake. Today I feel sucky. I woke up feeling not rested, and have been having trouble concentrating all day. Probably bc it’s Monday and I have to pay attention to things again and it’s hard. I’m also anxious and agitated. This morning was terrible, I just kept reminding myself all day that everything is fine and I’m feeling a bit better now.
It would be nicer going into Progesterone hell feeling better, but hey, maybe this way it won’t feel as drastically horrible!
I’ve decided not to get weighed in this week. I’m just not in the right mind frame. Hopefully we’ll go to the gym in the morning though!
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh I don’t want to do thiiiiisssssss


Well, it’s February. And I’ve already met my deductible for 2015. Holy shit this is an expensive process. Which I knew. But it just makes you panic a bit to see thousands of dollars worth of medical bills. Oh man. I really wish I hadn’t of looked at that while I’m at work!
I’m glad to be putting all this testing behind me. Although I’m well aware that there will be more, different hurdles ahead. But of course the ultimate pay off will be when we finally get our bfp.
Ugh. I hate the insurance companies. I have to wait for final pending stuff on a few claims, but I have a feeling that I’ll be spending quite a bit of time arguing with them.

Week 3 weigh in

Well, over two weeks I gained two pounds. Grr. (Although if you go off my scale at home, I lost three more over the last two weeks) (I’d rather acknowledge that scale!)
I have plenty of excuses for it, but I’ll just try to keep doing better.
I’m still down like 2.8 pounds from initial weigh in.
It just sucks to eat right, drink water, exercise, take the stupid metformin, and have gained weight to show for it.

HSG Results


There’s still a little grossness going on down there, but after I was pretty sure I would die in my sleep Friday night and Saturday I was finally feeling better on Sunday and am also completely back to normal. It as a horrible cycle of tensing bc of the muscle I pulled in my back then tensing my front, I just never had a chance to relax. I’m soooo glad it’s over! Now that my results were posted I’m sure they’re email me about it shortly. Oh no I haven’t done any opks yet! My temps are still low that I don’t think I’ve missed it, we’ll see.


US Results