a journey to familyhood

Archive for July, 2014

Question

Can you get your period on progesterone? Dr told me I should get it like 3-10 days after I stopped. Today is day 5/10 and I’m cramping like a son of a gun. Also my boobs are starting to get sore. I usually don’t really have pms and this cramping is a super new thing for me. Idk if this is just a side effect or if it means my monthly is coming.
I’m assuming it would screw up the Clomid if I do get it before I’m done with the progesterone but idk. I just live in the body I don’t really know what it does lol
Thanks in advance!
(Also I’m not crazy yet that, but the night’s still young)

Grumpy Gills

Thaaaaaaaat’s me! AND my love! Grumpy gills all around. Perfect!
Today was a lovely day, we laid in bed and giggled before getting up, we went swimming with my mom, put her together a scrapbook room, organized nine million pictures, my love got some more projects (which should make her happy because she likes projects. Dog stairs and a railing for the garage stairs coming up)

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(My favorite part was making some of the scrapbook room decorations. My love painted the frames and I made art with paint chips from menards! Total cost about 5$!)
Then we were coming home and everything just went grr. Since we quit smoking in October my poor love has had a lot of anxiety. And I guess today was a good day to be a major crab ass anxious. Sometimes it just wears on me when I’m not feeling well. I love her, I take care of her when she’s sick, I’ve held her while she cried, I’ve cleaned up her vomit. And while she has taken care of me as well, sometimes I wish she could tone down her crazy and just be there for me and support me.
Today I’m anxious too.
And she told me she’d do the dishes and make dinner. I went in the kitchen and whatever was in the garbage smelled like death. But she was busy Not doing dishes and would have been annoyed if I nagged her, so I emptied the garbage and did the dishes and swept and mopped. At least she thanked me, I was going to be extra upset if she didn’t. Now she doesn’t feel like cooking. Because drawing blueprints is taking sooooo much out of her. I’m tearful. I took my pants off because they were irritating me. I’m frustrated. I’m annoyed. She hasn’t Really done anything, but I’m so annoyed and want to murder her in the face. (Tmi) My nipples hurt! I just had to try not cry bc I have to take my nipple rings if I get pregnant.
Today is day four of the all horrible progesterone. My eyes haven’t yellowed and bullged yet, so that’s good. Yesterday I was Fine. All day that I was Fine! I guess every other night I’m just meant to fall apart. And then I think oh it’s not so bad and then I cry or feel horrible red hot rage burning through me. It’s swell.
I’m sure I’ll be fine again soon but it’s just so hard to exist right now. I just want to lay here and cry.
We did get our first veggies today from the garden (whether they become dinner or not remains to be seen!) Punk.

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“Instead of stressed,I lie here charmed”

So my love had some work tonight, driving, so I went along and tried to not yell and or cry. So I made myself a playlist on her ipod.

Bush little things
the used the taste of ink
sublime wrong way
killswitch engage my last serenade
guster careful
vampire weekend horchata candelbox you
bowling for soup punk rock 101 byrds turn turn turn
chevelle the clincher
clinic the equaliser 
Cute is what we aim for the curse of curves
fiona Apple limp
presidents of the United states lump
the fray how to save a life
hole miss world
incubus pardon me
ks choice not an addict
the offspring I want you bad placebo every you, every me
red hot chili peppers Dani California/Parallel universe
Rob Zombie (all of the sinister urge
Garbage (all of it)

Gonna be a long ten days!

Soooo either two days of progesterone makes me a crazy crazy bitch or that’s just my new personality!
I was okay today all day at work, even happy that I want letting little things bother me. Then I got in the car with my love and all I wanted to do was yell at her and beat her about the head. She did so much today but I was just so grrrrr!
I wanted her to buy picture frames for a project, she got ones for our diplomas instead. We had a conversation about building shelves for the Bathroom she claims they were for the Bedroom! Of all things!!
Granted she was tired from being up very early and doing stuff all day so she was being sassy with me, but omg I don’t know if I’ve ever been so irrationally annoyed with someone.
Soooooo irrational! Sooooo annoyed!
Then I tried to explain how I was feeling and how crazy I am and I cried for no reason!
I’ve also been sleeping like shit, horrible dreams, the last two mornings I’ve been up at 4am (which was cool yesterday I got to watch Rocky Horror).
Idk where this came from, I’ve been anxious the last few days, but today I was having an actual good/okay/fine day until I saw my beautiful loving amazing baby girl and all I want to do is glare at her and cry and perhaps smother her with a cat.

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(cue Jaws music)

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one year

today is my youngest brothers graduation party. (congrats, Charlie!! but ugh this is so much work, i never want to look at potato salad again in my life!) one year ago (idk to the day or week, but ish) was my second youngest brother’s party.

we have always talked about having a family and knew sooner rather than later we would start planning, but about a year ago we were really getting serious about it. we’ve done so much in the last year…quit smoking, losing weight, finding a cryobank, choosing a donor, deciding which of us was going to go first, temping, opks, iui, doctors…

but it was at that party that my brain went all baby stupid.

my love couldn’t be there, but i remember spending the whole day thinking about where we would be at this party. while technically there has been enough time that one could have had a baby, i knew we wouldn’t have one now. but could one of us be pregnant? and how far along? i was picturing her the whole time, chit chatting with family with an adorable little belly, wondering what inappropriate jokes my uncle brian would have about it, if the next time i saw aunt barb it would be with a pregnant princess…and so on.

the whole party i spent daydreaming about it. and driving home after i had to biggest, stupidest smile on my face.

so now it’s a year later, and i find it very fitting that this weekend i’m going to start my meds. (providing the nurse calls me back regarding my incorrect prescription! sad face)

i don’t know exactly when we started seriously planning about having a pile of babies (although yesterday it was “a sack full”) but when i think back to when everything really started changing and getting serious and scary and exciting, it was a year ago at the last graduation party 🙂

there are no more bother’s to graduate, so i don’t know where we’ll be a year from now, but hopefully it will involve the start of an adorable, squishy, pile of babies.

Blood work

….is normal!!! I was worried I was secretly dying.
Progesterone starts Sunday