a journey to familyhood

Archive for May, 2014

No-pk

Ha? Okay, it was lame. Today it’s cd 13. I’ve done opks am and pm the last 3 days, nothing yet. We’re going camping this weekend, just an overnight, but I won’t be able to test Saturday night or Sunday am so that’s probably when I’ll ovulate lol. That’s usually when it happens, when I’m away from home or don’t have a test or somehow miss it. I’m excited to get a positive opk and keep taking the vitex and hope I have a good month (one month at a time!)
My temp has been pretty good the last few days so that was nice. This am it went down but idk if I should even count it bc sleep was horrible! The neighbors dogs were freaking out idk what time it was but I’ll guess 1-2am? Omg it sounded like they were being tortured. My love said the neighbor was leaving so they were just upset not to go with, but seriously they were so loud and it was so annoying!
Then my Bailey kitten decided to cry and wail outside our bedroom door at 3 am. Love had to be up at work at 4am and she was not pleased! She said she’s been awake for an hour but idk. Bailey always cries a little bit and loves to have her mama time in the bedroom with us, but she never sleeps with us and has never woken me up crying so loud.
So I got up with her and held her and rocked her like a baby and paced around the house until she quieted down so my love could sleep. Poor sad little kitty, poor sleepy princess girl.
Then it was 4am and we both were awake again. At least I could go back to sleep.
I can’t remember a night we each slept so poorly with so many interruptions.
So now I’m at work and I apparently just woke my girl up from a well deserved nap! My bad! She sent me this adorable picture..

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To work…

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Or not to work

Oh, MTV

16 & Pregnant time! I don’t have cable so I never watch this show but seriously? Seriously?! Turn off the television!
Also tomorrow is cd 10 and I have ovulated this early before so I’m going to start opks tomorrow.

You take the good, you take the bad

Well, I guess the bad isn’t like bad bad, more annoying. It looks like another month of bouncy ball temperatures! And really it’s my fault. For over a week I was sleeping well my temps were normal it was very inspiring! Then after I got my monthly it all went down hill again. I knew it was coming bc the day before I get it my temp drops. So it was normal until about the second day of my period.
Then I couldn’t sleep and woke up constantly so my temp was whack. Then I don’t remember why but I missed a day. Then last night I worked third shift so that caused me to miss two temps.
I haven’t slept yet, I’m not tired yet though. I hope that I can sleep well tonight at get up at my usual time and have a nice temp. That also reminds me to take a Vitex.
Also in the next two days I think I’m gonna start with opks. I have like 40 so I’m damn sure gonna figure this out!
The super yay part is a few things…first being that yesterday was the first farmers market of the season! We walked from home and it was such a beautiful day. We got coffee and some delicious hippie soap and eggs and plants for the garden and idk what else. It was so nice to get back there and I’m so looking forward to the rest of the summer.
Also I stared at every baby and adorable little family I saw! I tried not to be a major creeper lol but my lady insides were beeeeeegging me for a baby! Omg all I want to do is walk to the Farmer’s Market holding my love’s hand with a baby strapped to me!
My other so favorite part of yesterday was finishing planting the garden. Yay. My love did most of the work and she was so proud of her bamboo steaks and string. We have peppers, zucchini, green beans and yellow zucchini. Then on the balcony we have all the tomatoes! We eat a f_ck load of vegetables every day.And my mom and my very best friend ever are already requesting zucchini so I’m excited for gardening and cooking and sharing my garden. It’s not the biggest garden in the world, but it’s ours and it’s perfect!

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Mona, Mona (a (long) rant)

So. I have a coworker worker who refers to my girlfriend as “Mona”. I couldn’t say why, her name is not Mona, except for two possibilities…1) he’s a total perv and enjoys anything with the word Moan in it. And 2) he can talk about her and no one else knows who he’s talking about. I would assume it’s got a lot more to do with the first, but after years of correcting him I really don’t care.

And my little Mona is an….overthinker? I suppose you could use that word. I’m not entirely sure how to describe it. A suppressor of feelings? Yesterday was a beautiful day, if a bit humid. We started the day off with a nice hike in the woods. It was a nice area, I would have liked a little more woods, a lot less bugs. So we started taking about things we planned to buy, things we’ve been talking about forever.

The two biggest things are kayaks and a new sectional couch. Well my love made the logical suggestion that we buy kayaks now, every day we’ve had off we’ve been out doing things. It makes all the sense in the world to buy kayaks now and a couch in the fall.

Then I made the huuuuge mistake of saying Hey, don’t forget about sperm some day! Holy balls was that the wrong to say! She totally freaked out…

Just because you get your period or have good temps doesn’t mean it’s going to be okay, you’re not going to ovulate anyway, even if you get one good month you won’t have another, we’re months and months away from buying sperm, where do you think all this money is coming from you just want to waste money! We’re just going to be barren forever

On and on and she was being a total jerk. Just snapped in the blink of an eye (but don’t tell her she’s being one it won’t help!)

So I was upset with her, she wasn’t listening to me. Listen (jerk) I never, ever said “hey I’ve been on vitex for two weeks and think the world has been set right let’s go get sperm” I know my business is still messed up, I have no idea when it will look regular, I think I’m more reasonable than she was giving me credit for.

Then we got to the root of it; Apparently she’s afraid that it won’t work, and if I don’t have a baby I’ll leave her.

Silly silly pretty girl!! How she could think such a thing I don’t know. But it made me feel horrible that she was so worried about it. And instead of talking to me about it she just bottled it up until she snapped and her fear came off as anger.

This isn’t the first time we’ve danced this little dance. In fact I think every big decision has gone this way. Even talking about ttc there have been blow outs and back and forth and freaking out. But once you get past the freaking out it’s really just concern or fear that we talk about and work out.

She sometimes just needs time to process things her way. Lol in fact almost everything has to be get idea, we even joke about it. Sometimes it just takes longer than others for her to suddenly have an epiphany about something i already talked to her about. Of course along with that is the fact that I apparently have “eyes” that say “that’s fine, do whatever you want” when that is noooot going to end well for you. Apparently we’re both stubborn

I’m glad she eventually let it slip why she was being a grumpy gills so we could talk about it. (I wish she hadn’t been a jerk on her way to getting it out). But later that same day she commented on putting a baby in me and was smiley and beautiful (she’s always beautiful).

I brought it up again later to let her know I didn’t want to rush. I know what our odds are, I know what our finances are, I know my cycle is messed up. I just asked her to try and support me. If I’m excited that I get my period or my temp isn’t all fucked up or I have a shit ton of opks to pee on, just be happy with me and for me. She agreed to try and I’m sure she will and she’ll be wonderful,  but she’ll probably freak out again and I’ll probably freak out again. It’s frustrating, we both know what we want and generally want the same things, it’s just the getting there that gets rough. But I guess for now I’ll be barren and kayak shopping.

CYCLE DAY 1!

Woo hoo!! Lol I’m sure I won’t be excited soon enough, but at this second I’m excited :-)! Oooooh and cramping. Okay so much to do, but I’m happy that I can finally get this cycle going and move forward!

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“I swear to God if you don’t start bleeding from the vagina in the next two days I’m gonna MAKE it happen”….alright lady parts, you hard the girl you have two days to make me stop crying!