a journey to familyhood


Negative again 😞



On Saturday we had our next insem. Everything was PERFECT.

Tests, timing, process, everything just fell into place perfectly and felt so right.

We’ve had good, even perfect, cycles in the past so I know not to get my hopes up. But it all just feels so right and hopefully it was.

I’m excited for Rayne to have a baby. My mom got her a baby for Christmas and she likes to play “ashes” (ring around the rosy) and gives her drinks and covers her with her blanky (my mom crocheted matching blankets for Rayne and her baby). Everything she sees is a baby and she holds her arms around her midsection and rock like she’s rocking a baby.

I wish we could have kids closer in age, maybe next round. But first we have to get through this round.

One and a half weeks to go…

Rayne had her 18 month checkup. She’s still 50% for height and weight (23 pounds) better than the 5th percent she stared at.

I’ve gone back and forth with her pediatrician. I liked him at first, my wife didn’t. Now she likes him and I’m on the fence. We’ve decided to keep him until we have another kid and then switch Rayne at the same time. But this visit was good, I have no complaints. And neither did he.

Physically she’s well. Gross and fine motor skills are good. For once he’s pleased with her language. She’s being socialized with their kids at the Y. We brush her teeth (but I need to set up a dentist thanks for the reminder). She’s perfect. I want a million of her.




Hopefully I’ll get to tell my Xmas baby that s/he was conceived in the back of an Equinox in a Target parking lot with Counting Crows Colorblind playing in the background. That seems like a very lesbian way to get a baby.

Here’s a goof ass baby

Happy Anything, Everyone. I wish everyone many gift bags of BabyDust and an extra pile of wine and patience if you have a toddler whose routine is fucked by holidays

Thank you, next

My wife is on cd…3? 4?

So we move on to the next cycle. Which is looking like Christmas Eve/Day, somewhere around there. I hope we’re able to schedule something without interfering with anyone’s plans.

My sil just announced her pregnancy. They have 5 kids. They have so many kids and it’s not fair 😢 we should be happy but my heart is just heavy and broken

Happy Thanksgiving

Another week until our 2nd Known donor attempt.

I’m working on Thanksgiving. I said “dress the baby nice”. She’s wearing a glow in the dark robot T-shirt and looks like she lives under the bridge 🤦‍♀️

But I got to FaceTime with the whole family and as my wife went room to room babe chased her waving Hi mama.

Her little speech is so cute. My favorite part is that a lot of things she says are so high pitched. Except “mama”, her voice goes so deep it’s hilarious 😂

We took Xmas pics yesterday! (I work thanksgiving so it doesn’t even feel like a holiday to me (except last year I took off for the only time in ten years)) So really it’s just a speed bump in the way to Christmas.